Comfort for the Day

Living through the seasons of grief.

A post for the comforter

Time doesn’t heal ~ God does

Have you ever tried to console a deeply hurting friend by reminding them that “time would bring healing?”  With all good intention, the phrase sounds nice, but it may be less comforting than hoped for.  Time does work to dull, or dim the intensity of many of life’s experiences.  Memories fade in time.  The intense feelings lose their edge.  But does that indicate that healing has taken place?  Probably not.  You see, what I have learned is that God is the Healer of our brokenness, not time.  I have noticed that God uses the medium of time as part of his therapeutic protocol.  But it isn’t the time that heals.   I have come to realize that no amount of time left to my own pain can do the healing work.  You and I are free moral agents.  That means we can choose what we do with the 24 hours given to us each day.  Left to our own pain, we could choose a life of denial to hide from the pain, substance abuse to soothe the ache, anger to manage control, or any other destructive behaviors.  So what are we to conclude about how time and grief interact?

When we come along a grieving friend or family member, it would be better for us to encourage them with the faithfulness of God to bring His healing.  God understands.  God cares. God knows how to reach them in their points of desperation.  God is committed to bring beauty from their ashes of pain and grief.  He is planning a future and a hope for them.  But it is still God who does all this in His time.  Not ours!  We may, at times feel tired of someone else’s pain.  But God doesn’t   So as supporters to the bereaved, let us not be weary in reaching out to them.  Let us keep in mind that God is working to bring them the healing they need, not to relieve us from their sorrow.  The God makes this claim, “He makes all things beautiful in its time.”  Eccl. 3:11

4 comments on “A post for the comforter

  1. Brandi Michielsen
    April 22, 2013

    Lori, your posting is that of an experience I had last year. A friend of mine, lost his nephew to a hit-and-run driver. My husband and I were camping, and I did not realize until the following week that his sister, brother-in-law and family were going through the same anguish that I had experienced 12 years previously with my 25 year of age daughter. It was under different circumstances of death but still a sudden trauma and family crisis.
    Due to my own circumstances at the time, I was unable to pick up the phone or go to visit his sister, as I barely knew her and felt devastated by the circumstances of Josh’s death. Knowing how anniversary dates and special occasions are the milestone’s to endure, after such a loss, his mother and father are always in the back of my mind, and I know that God will orchestrate that perfect moment for us to get together, when she needs someone’s shoulder to cry on.

    I know how isolated I felt during the years following my daughter’s death, as no one wanted to talk about her life with me, thinking it would hurt me. So not understanding that speaking of Christina’s life over coffee, mixed with tears would have sped up the healing process, rather then the odd message that I was in their thoughts and prayers. God has brought me through so much healing, that I am now able to sit with other’s and share without crying. He wiped away my rivers of tears, and the angels have gathered them up in the many vases spoken of in Revelations as all eyes will be dried by our Lord and Savoir when He returns to dwell with His people once again.

  2. Asteway Gattew
    April 1, 2015

    Recently, a friend of mine lost a dear friend. Her friend died suddenly only two weeks after her marriage. It completely devastated her. For the last few days, it has been in my mind. When I heard the news, I was shocked and deeply touched. I have been trying to comfort her by talking to her and sharing Bible verses. Still, there was a part of me that still wanted to say and do more. I like reading poems but I don’t write them. This time, a part of me urged me to put something on a paper and share with her, something personal from the heart. So I wrote her the poem you see bleow. She told me it made her feel good and happy. It has also made me feel good to know she got some comfort from the poem. Thank you for your blog. I will be following. Here is the poem …

    Pain Of Losing A Friend
    By Asteway Gattew

    How sad to lose a friend so early in life,
    The pain so horrible hard to define.
    Humans are not born to handle,
    Only God knows when it will heal.
    I ask you Sara to pray on your knee,
    So you find the strength to overcome your grief.

    God bless you!


    • Karen Nicola
      April 3, 2015

      Please keep in mind, Asteway, just being alongside, listening with your heart, and supporting her through her pain is genuine comfort. No one can take her pain away. It is not our place, but we can keep entrusting them into the heart of God who knows, understands, and alone will heal her broken heart. Feel free to take a look at This is the part of my blog that is just for friends who want to know how to really comfort someone in grief.

  3. Asteway Gattew
    April 3, 2015

    I found “The Ways of a Listening Heart” very helpful. Thank you for sharing. I will apply it. Best wishes to you! ~Asteway Gattew

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